Uncertainty is a gift.

clampitt-figure-1-jan-2002

I have had the opportunity recently of speaking to a few souls who don’t like uncertainty.

I think we all to a certain extent need to feel some control over our world. We want to know that there are some things we can rely on and are consistent. A world of chaos would be very stressful for me I know. I know that if in our lives people who keep moving the goal posts or are inconsistent in some way, you know the type right? Who say one thing and do another, can at best confuse or annoy us and at worst can create mistrust in many. It is apparent to me from my own life experiences and those I have had the priveledge to try and help through counselling, that so many things can create mistrust and fear. This could have started early in life or happen through a traumatic event. Ultimately it can create the need to be in control of our world. So much so that some people adopt the worrier stance and tightly try to control not only their world but others too, so that they can feel safe. Usually these type of people feel extreme anxiety and eventually end up in my counselling room. It is so painful to have to hold so tightly onto control in case anything goes astray or threatens our peace and happiness. However, People who need to control that much do not know peace or happiness because they are living with the fear of uncertainty all the time.

I have found myself visiting and re-visiting this subject with many people. Usually I hear myself saying what I usually say and that is ” Life is uncertain, life changes from minute to minute. It has never been certain, but somehow most people learn to accept this and put their faith into so many things because they have to.”   One client said she had developed a health anxiety and if she gets a pain, she thinks the worst. What if she has cancer? What if something ever happened to her children? She constantly worries about these things.  I quietly think to myself – what if she had a little faith in life and lived each day  with the attitude of what will be will be.”  I can see her struggling with the need to make sure nothing bad ever happens, as if worrying enough will prevent it.

Of course my job as a counsellor is to help someone let go of the need to control. To learn to trust and accept that we are all in the same postion as far as living with uncertainty is concerned and to understand how they impair their lives with so much worry. None of us are exempt from difficulties in life. We can only trust that whatever happens we will and can deal with it when and if it happens.

I am grateful that I have a belief in a higher power. That does not mean that because I do that somehw I will magically avoid difficulties, I know I wont. But I can trust that whatever happens I will find the courage and support to deal with it. In the meantime life is for living and enjoying. Stop worrying about something that you cannot control and may not happen anyway.

Much love

Gillian.

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