A couple of days ago, I had what I call a “wobbly moment” of self doubt. Well I guess it was a little more than a moment, it lasted for a day or so. I am a counsellor and have been for 13yrs now. These days I see clients from home and they come in dribbles according to the time of year, so I have learned to accept that this vocation can also be erratic as far as clients are concerned and that is of course, how it should be. People come when they are in need and leave when they want to.
If I am honest, I find that being a counsellor constantly keeps me on my toes and there are times when I get very strong feelings that somehow a client does not quite feel that I am the right one that they want to see. I had this feeling after seeing a client for the first time a couple of days ago. Of course this makes me question myself. I always give this option to my clients, that the first session is a time to see if it feels right for them. But I am human and I feel inadequate sometimes. I am sure that many other helpers or counsellors go through the same thing from time to time. I have learned to listen to the still small voice inside of us all and I talk to the angels before I sleep and give myself time to think about it. I ask for guidance and eventually it comes.
I cannot be all things to all people. We are given choice for a reason, so we can choose. This applies to everyone. Just because I am not the right one does not mean i have failed. It does not mean i am inadequate. It means that I am not God and I cannot help everyone. It also means that I cannot abandon myself when I have self doubt. It is my job to be there for myself as well as other people. So today I feel that I have been guided to remember this and to appreciate my intentions, which are always good.
Shortly after this I phoned my sister who I have not seen for a while. She said I am still in my bed clothes but you can come around if you want. When I arrived I was looking for comfort and what I saw was that she needed comfort. Her cat is ill and when I saw the cat I could see that it was very ill. My sister was confused and upset herself. I have had a few cats myself and they have all passed now. I could empathise. When I left, she said “I feel a lot better now.” Isn’t it strange how life shows us that we are needed and we can help but not always the way we think we “should”.